How to Attract a Soulmate
One of the major issues that comes up in the dating and relationship business is the subject of communication between two people. Often, two people dating do not successfully communicate because they have different styles of communicating, or they are ready for a different level of communication than their partner. Therefore, I think one of the most important aspects of dating that one should address is where one is in the “dating game”.
Are you new to dating? Or were you in a long term relationship and now suddenly find yourself single again? Are you an experienced dater? Are you “playing the field”? Or are you a one-man/one-woman dater?
First of all, people have different styles of dating. Some people go out and will scan the room for “the one”. If they can secure a date with any “one”, they focus solely on that person, attempting to get to know them and then solidify the partnership.
Others are “serial daters”, testing the waters and enjoying the nouvelle social contact every time they go out. Some people are serial daters by choice, consciously having chosen to “play the field” until the “Big Bang” hits them. Others date a lot of people, because things never seem to work out for them. They are experienced daters, but not necessarily by choice. They “try out” a lot of people, like trying on different hats, and eventually one fits, and then a relationship follows.
But many more are completely inexperienced, dropping all contacts with others once they have chosen a selected target for affection. They will decline all other invitations while waiting for the “chosen one” to expose their true colors. Then, he/she who waits will make the decision about whether to continue the relationship, sometimes after much disappointment and heartbreak. Expectations run high for these people, because they are putting their eggs all in one basket, so to speak.
Imagine the chaos, however, if you have a lady- or gent-in-waiting dating an experienced and avowed field-player. The one with the fewer options is undoubtedly going to experience unpleasant emotions, and many times will not move along with his or her life even though the object of their affections has moved on with theirs.
Many times the folks that like to date only one person have good motives. They want to get to know a person thoroughly, they want the relationship to grow, and they feel it’s only fair not to date anyone else. Meanwhile, their partner is moving right along. This causes a lot of doubt and heartache to the “slow dater”. The “fast dater” is trying every option, enjoying the social aspect—or the sex—and sometimes is not aware that some people he or she dates are at home waiting for them. (And sometimes, they are aware!)
At best, the disparity of dating techniques can cause trouble, heartaches, heartbreaks, jealous behavior, confrontation, and more. If you are single or newly single or have come from a long term relationship and you are of the more cautious, single-minded variety, it is probably best for you to pick similar people to date. I am not saying that you can’t find a partner from the experienced dater venue, but you are more likely to grow and have emotional experiences in common with others like yourself. Those playing the field should probably date those playing the field. That way, the things one does with many other partners is all consensual and acceptable and won’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
Or, I advise to learn a new technique. Join a group and get to know alot of people before committing yourself to date or be in a relationship. Learn to lighten up, and then your life will lighten up too!
The Metaphysics of Love
Can you MAKE someone love you? The answer is YES, although sometimes it is a long and tricky path, and sometimes you must devote a lot of time not only to your beloved, but EVEN MORE to YOURSELF. This is the important key to reaching someone with the love you offer: devoting time and thoughts to YOU and then allowing the other the space and freedom to love you back!
We are all made up of energy, and we carry an energy bubble around us. When we love someone, we send out energy that pushes and sometimes invades that person's bubble. When we constantly think of someone, we can actually push him or her away, even if that individual likes us back! You must learn how to allow that person the space to come to you, and so that is key.
Rule One: The key to making someone love you is allowing that person the time and space to CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU BACK. When you constantly think of someone, your energy is actually invading his or her space and will push that individual farther away. Allow them space.
Solution: GET A LIFE. STOP THINKING OF YOUR BELOVED CONSTANTLY. It doesn’t matter what you have to do to stop: get a hobby, perform an activity, go out with other people, jump out of an airplane if you have to, but stop thinking about that person!!!
Rule Two: The best way to make someone love you is to LEAVE. Ever notice that if you go on a date with someone else, suddenly the beloved calls, and then you feel torn? Because when you get on with your life, all of a sudden that person wants you back! That individual is used to your love energy, they miss it, and they want it back!
Solution: Going out with others is a great way to misdirect yourself and turn your attention to something or someone else. (Please notice that the minute you stop thinking of them, they call!!! That is because they felt that your attention was diverted from them!) To go out with family and friends is good, but dating other people is even better—for 2 reasons: 1) It gives you other options from which to choose, and 2) You can learn and practice on these dates. Best of all, when you turn your attention away from the object of your affection, they feel the loss. Everyone wants to be loved, and they will miss your loving energy and will want it back.
What if the person doesn’t know you love them, or what if they are difficult?
LET THE PERSON KNOW YOU LOVE THEM. Tell them, send a card (without too much information), give them a compliment or a present. Tell them (only ONCE!!!) that you feel like you are soulmates or that you have lived together in other lifetimes. Even non-believers are intrigued by this. The key to this is, be SHORT & SWEET, and be prepared to WAIT. Let it sink in, and do not pursue. Even if they think you are ridiculous now, when they hit a low spot, they will think of you and remember, “Oh yeah, he/she will support me; he/she has known me forever. He/she has loved me forever.”
So 1. Tell them: it’s important to let the person know that you love them. This is a hook, because everyone wants love. Let them know, and then leave them alone. This is the most effective way, because they will see that you are allowing them space. They then become intrigued, “Just how much does this person love me? She said she loved me, but she’s nowhere around.” They will want to test your love and find out more about you, so they will come around. Tell them it is long-lasting—this is important too, because it gives them time to decide that YOU are the one! People are looking for someone who will love them forever, as they are, and stick with them through thick and thin, even if they take a long time.
2. Send a card. This is tangible proof that you care. Don’t be afraid to love, because face it, every loves, and everyone gets dumped once in a while. But this might just be the one that doesn’t fail, especially if you do show that your love is long lasting. You can’t find out unless you take the risk. Sending a card also puts your love energy right in their hands and in their house, because your energy is on the card. Later on, they may be drawn to that love energy at a time when they need it. “Look, he wrote right there that he cared.”
WARNING: DO NOT write a long drawn out letter or reams of love poetry. Remember that short and sweet is the best. A sweet card that says simply, “I love you” and your name is mysterious enough to be intriguing. Remember, LESS IS MORE. A long letter is the equivalent of thinking about them too much; they may cut and run if you do that, because you are rushing it and pushing them. Restrain yourself. Err on the side of caution, please!
3. Give a compliment. This works in any difficult relationship, as long as you don’t overdo it, or get gushy. Praise the person for what they do well. Compliment them on how they look, “That’s a nice haircut.” “That’s a pretty tie.” “That’s an attractive dress.” “You look very nice today.” Don’t get overly sexual or romantic about it. Be conservative, but make your point. Even if they refuse the compliment, (“You look great in that dress!” “Oh, this old thing?”) they will remember that you complimented them and will think favorably of you. I have tried this with the most difficult co-workers, and it eventually works. Even the roughest and hardest soften up eventually, and the diamond becomes a real gem, and they may love to see you coming!
4. Give a present. It really does work. Flowers, stuffed animals, a CD, candy, and doodads that show that you thought especially of them—it lets people know that you are thinking of them. Do not over spend, and don’t do it too often, but remember their birthday or anniversary and Valentine’s Day. So few people do remember these days! If you don’t have much money, a hand-written poem will do, a candy bar with the note “you are even sweeter than this”, or a locket with a note inside. This works for both love relationships and difficult people. Shower them with affection; then give them their space. Leave the present on a doorstep, their desk, or their car.
Do you really have to love the person? No, but these tactics will often melt the heart of the most difficult boss or co-worker. The secret admirer trick sometimes works too, as long as you are careful to let the person know it isn’t a joke.
What if YOU need help loving them? Try this exercise:
Sit quietly in your room with soft music playing and lights turned down low. Close your eyes, and surround yourself with pink or green light. If you can concentrate on opening your heart, this helps. If not, just imagine a pink mist around you. (If you can’t imagine it, just say out loud, “I surround myself with pink light. I surround myself with pink light. I surround myself with pink light.”)
Then when you have done that, surround the other person with the same pink light. If you can, send pink light from your heart to theirs. Do this every other day. The rest of the time, lead your life as normally as possible without obsessing over the person. Love them, and leave them alone. They will come around.
If you have had trouble with a person, imagine them sitting across from you, and speak from the heart. Always lead with a genuine expression of peace. For example, “I really didn’t want any trouble in the office. I really wanted everything between you and me to go smoothly. Then when this thing happened, I got upset because I was hurt/shocked/surprised.” OR, “When you yelled at me/ignored me/hurt me, I felt so bad, and it really messed things up. I know that really somewhere inside, you are a good person, even if I don’t see it now. I just want peace. How about you?” This should be “spoken” in your imaginary conversation without anger and as little judgment as possible. Speak peacefully, truthfully, and from the heart. This truth can create a miraculous turnaround, without you ever speaking to the person face to face!!! Some folks are too testy or uptight to talk to, but you can do it privately in your imaginary conversation, and they still get it!!!
If you have had a fight with someone, another trick is to find the best thing you can say about the person, and repeat it every day. “Today, I wish So-and-so doesn’t get run over.” Make the wish for that person as good as you can. Eventually, your affirmation for that person will improve, and let it. By the time you wish him or her well with a light heart, they will decide they love you! Watch the relationship change!
In extreme circumstances, repeat this 3 times: The Christ in me forgives and releases _________”. Then, follow this with: The Christ in ____________forgives and releases me.” This allows the other to travel their own path, free to choose you or make up with you or not. By giving them this freedom, they are more likely to return to you. It also helps release you from obsession. You too need to be free and not imprisoned by love!
One last thing I have to say: ask yourself if you REALLY love this person and are willing to wait for them FOREVER? And by that, I mean, multiple lifetimes. They may not come to you this lifetime. Are you willing to wait that long? A lot of people who use these exercises just want someone, anyone to love them. It's not because they really LOVE the other person. Then they write and ask me why the person has gone away and not called them. This will work if you really have a connection with someone, and if you REALLY love them, and if you know in your heart that you are willing to wait however long it takes--even if it is other lifetimes. But I say, why deprive yourself of love in this lifetime?
Why not attract someone into your life who is here, now, in your own town, someone who would care for you now? Many people have a lot of soul evolution to do. Some folks have to quit drinking or are abusive--and some of those problems may take lifetimes to fix.
I also say this, if someone DOES love you, why not give them a chance? Some people get attached to an illusion or idea of love with this one difficult person when there is already a person around them who DOES love them. Show yourself you love yourself by allowing a person who really loves you into your life. Leave the ones who walk away to go figure out their own lives.
It's always MOST IMPORTANT to love yourself first, be respectful of yourself and the love gift you have to give by only allowing into your life the ones that show you love NOW. The ones who walk away, well, maybe it's best to let them walk away. If they are meant for you, they will seek you out on their own. You don't have to force love.
You can love someone but not their behavior, and you can love someone, knowing they are not ready for the gift of your love in this lifetime. Give your precious love to those who show you they know how precious it really is. And how precious YOU ARE!