How to Attract a Soulmate

Becoming a Love God --or Love Goddess

Are you shy?

There is a purpose to “small talk”. As much as we dislike it, “small talk” is important in human relations and especially when making first contact with people.

Have you ever met someone who answered, “how are you?” with too much information? What most people really want to hear in response is “Fine” or “Great!” They don’t want to hear us recount our daily woes or ailments. When you answer something with too much information to someone you don’t know, don’t be surprised if they take twenty steps back. The complete run-down of how you’re feeling is more appropriate for already established friends—and family. This is good news for shy people. You only have to remember one word: “Fine.”

Other good news: “Small talk” is a ritual we use to develop acquaintance and friendship with people who heretofore have been strangers. That said, your openers do NOT have to be inventive. The best openers for small talk with new people are the basics: In what part of town do you live? Where are you from? What do you do? (for a living) How long have you been in this group? How did you first find out about this place? They don’t sound interesting, but they are what’s called “open-ended questions”, and they get people to talk about themselves. Since you’re shy, that’s probably what you want! As they talk and you find out more about them, you may find out that there is one thing you have in common, and then you will probably want to talk too! That’s what you are looking for: things in common.

Remember that game, “Six Degrees of Separation”? That’s what you are trying to find, some kind of link between you and the other person. But let’s say you don’t have anything in common. You have still had a successful chat, because you can cross that one off the list as a potential date or pal. At least you have just made an acquaintance, who will probably treat you like an old friend the next time they see you, at which time one of you will ask the other, “So what have you been doing?”

This IS a ritual; make no mistake about it. It is a verbal dance that humans do, and many of you do it every day at work and at home. So that’s what’s new: this is a social situation, and you are afraid. No need to be.

Many of you can do introductions quite easily at work. I say, social situations are exactly the same, so treat a social situation as though you are at a networking function or introducing yourself to people in work situations. “Hi, I’m Andrea, and I work in marketing.” That opens the conversation to a lot of replies, such as “I work in marketing too”, “what do you market?”, or even, “what’s marketing?”

What we are trying to do is put out a few fishing lines and then see if we get any bites. Some things work, and some things don’t. There is no need to be self-conscious about it. Usually, people are so concerned about themselves, they are not thinking about whether you messed up or not. (Right? Isn’t that what you’re doing? Worrying about yourself?) When you think others are judging you, remember that it’s really you judging yourself!

Always throw the ball in their court, if you can. Why? Because people want to know people are interested in them. If you are shy, try to get others to talk about themselves. Ask them questions about themselves. They are usually flattered.

The whole idea is to get comfortable with others, which comes naturally with flattery. What if you want to talk? Talk about what you know. One shy young lady became a completely self-possessed, poised, and comfortable talker as soon as she started discussing what she knows about: teaching. Suddenly, she had knowledge, wisdom, and lots of stories to tell.

The thing to remember is this: practice does make perfect. You would never believe that I was so shy that I couldn’t speak, but it’s true. So, just do it, do it, do it, until you are no longer shy. And, lastly, SMILE. A smile is worth a thousand words and makes anyone super attractive!

If you want to feel true love in your life, the most important thing you have to do is BE LOVE!  You radiate what you think about and what you feel.  If you are feeling lousy, you radiate that.  If you are angry, you radiate that.  So the most basic premise to becoming a love god or goddess is to RADIATE LOVE.

Act loving.
Feel loving.
Be loving.

Be friendly, smile, look for the best qualities in others and in yourself.   

Love and respect others, for in so doing, you will earn their love, honor, and respect. 

Right now, try this exercise: 
Sit with your eyes closed. 

Think about how it feels to love. 
Surround yourself with love.  (If you can’t think of that, think of someone or something you love or have loved—a family member, a kitten, a dog, a baby.) 
Imagine feeling a mother’s or a father’s love.  Imagine holding yourself as a baby in your own arms and looking into your own eyes with love and compassion.  

What is the color of love?  Where does this feeling of love come from inside you? 

As you feel these feelings, see a beautiful flower—your favorite flower—inside your heart, and watch the petals opening slowly.  Inside the center of the flower, see the most gorgeous gleaming gem that you have ever seen.  That gem is you. 

I recommend that every day for 30 days, when you pass a mirror, go look deep into your own eyes, and say "I love you."  You'll be amazed at how your self-esteem and self-carriage will change for the better!

Setting the Mood  

You may say, “I don’t feel like a love god.”  “I don’t feel like a love goddess.”  So, you need to set the mood!  In this case, you must set your own mood!

You will have to do some things to make yourself feel special.  So, treat yourself to some special treats.  

Feeling like a love god or a love goddess has a lot to do with attitude and body consciousness, in addition to your heart!  So, pay attention to BODY.  Let’s be practical!  

First, both sexes can get pampered with a good body massage.  There is nothing like a rub down to get the blood flowing and make you feel like you are walking in the clouds.  Ladies, if you can get a manicure and a pedicure, do it.  But, even if you can’t, paint those toenails and fingernails—even if you make them clear.  Inexpensive massages can be gotten at any of the massage schools around town.  Both men and women need to experience a good foot rub to know what heaven is!  That alone will make you feel like gods!  

Ladies, if you wear make up, go to a make up stylist, or visit the make up counter f any of the major department stores.  Have a professional do your face.  The reason the movie stars look so good is that they have professionals do their face and hair.  

For this reason, if you want to feel like a movie star, both men and women need to go to a great hair stylist and get the shaves, tweezing, make up, and hair cut that make you feel brand new.  New hair color, new eyebrow shapes, a facial scrub, and scalp massage are all as good for the soul as church!  (Well, almost! ;))  The hair cut is the most important place not to cut costs!  You can do your own nails and tweeze your own eyebrows, even use oils instead of expensive perfume, but DON’T SKIMP ON THE HAIR STYLE!  The hair wash itself is a great experience that can give a very satisfying feeling of luxury.  

Now you may say this is all just surfacey stuff, but when you see how great you look (and you’ve just had a great sensual experience too!) you feel better about yourself,  and when you glow, the world is attracted to your shine!  

Both men and women need to find a scent that is uniquely their own, and stick with it.  Ladies may have fun visiting perfume counters at the department stores.  Or, use more exotic oils that you can find at natural food stores like Whole Foods, Central Market, Sprouts, or Akins.  You want a scent that is so unique that its aroma always makes people think of you.  Ladies can advise the men on scents that attract attention!  Get a pal to go check it out with you!  (Now there’s an idea for an outing that could turn a mere friendship into something hotter!)  

​Science has shown that the odors that most attract women to men are smells like that are musky like ambergris or other musky smells. The perfumes that men are most attracted to are pumpkin pie, vanilla, and get this: doughnuts with a smidge of licorice!  Men like food smells!  Now that you are smelling yummy...

Go Shopping!

You can go anywhere and find great stuff for not a lot of money, but again, don’t skimp on style—especially you gents!  Do not go to the thrift store for this part of the exercise!  

Stuff to get:  

From the inside out, both sexes need sexy underwear!  Ladies need something lacey, silky, satiny—bras, panties and all lingerie.  And you need a sexy silky robe for coming out of the bath.  Even if you only have one set and even if you get them from Target or Walmart, get some sexy underwear!  It’s amazing how you feel when you wear them under your clothes.  Garter belts and stockings are fun to wear even if nobody but you knows!  It’s all in how you feel! 

Men need sexy silky boxers or boxers with hearts or red bikini underwear.  Even men need to feel good under their clothes!  And don’t forget a luxurious robe that feels sensual, y’all!  

Women need to buy some goddess clothes that are drapey, floaty, or clingy—not skimpy!  Goddesses did not wear mini-skirts or slutty outfits.  But goddesses do show a little skin!  Ample women have the benefit of showing a little cleavage and curves.  Slim women have the advantage of going braless and showing a lot of back and strapless shoulders.  Don’t do plaids—plaids are for sportswear. 

Men need to be classic—no polyester or one hook pants!  Eek!  Dockers and a classic cotton or silk shirt would be better.  In some cases, a Hawaiian shirt can provide allure, accompanied by a tan and a little chest hair!  No flannel, please!  Natural fibers preferred.  

Both genders need to get some nice shoes, and there are lots of great shoe stores out there these days that can provide! 

Men need a nice expensive and comfortable pair of shoes to feel prosperous while they are wearing them.  Aren’t you worth it?  Yes, you are!  This is not an area for men to skimp.  And get some really good tennis shoes while you are at it.  I don’t care if you only have one pair of good shoes and one pair of good sneaks for public.  Wear your ratty stuff at home, dears!  Or when you are painting the house, working in the yard, or playing ball.

Women don’t need an expensive pair, but they DO need a comfortable pair of high heels.  Is that an oxymoron?  No, I have found some.  These are not your grandma’s heels.  You want them sexy and comfy.  They don’t have to be spikes.  In some cases, the sexiest are backless high heel sandals or other shoes with a tiny heel and an elaborate front design.  But women need a high heel, because it changes the way your hips move when you walk…and that brings us to…  

The Walk

Practice your walk.  Watch Marilyn Monroe, or my favorite was the character Marla from “Boston Public”, whose real name is Loretta Devine, and she has a divine walk!  (She currently plays Cynthia Carmichael on the NBC sitcom The Carmichael Show, but she was known for her role as Adele Weber on Grey's Anatomy.)  But even without too much practice, women’s hips move more like a goddess, in a more sultry way, when in high heels. 

Men need an upright, sure footed walk.  No gorilla walks, please! 

Work out

All sizes.  It’s not necessarily to lose weight that I am telling you this.  You will feel stronger and more empowered if you work out.  Strengthen your arms, and you will strengthen your self-attitude and self-esteem.  And silly as it sounds, that then changes how you walk!  You walk taller, stronger, and show yourself a more powerful person—more like the god or goddess that you are becoming!  

Don’t forget to take a long, luxurious bath.  Men and women.  Get a scent you like, or use rose, jasmine, or ylang ylang to heighten sexy feelings.  Men can use Palma Rosa—sweet but not too sweet—or musk, the basic sexy scent.  Use bubbles or not, as you prefer.  
And don’t forget the candles and your favorite sexy or soothing music—whether it’s jazzy saxophone, Ravel, Marvin Gaye, or Luther Vandross, or John Legend.

Set the Mood in your House.

It also helps to have a bedroom that is romance-inducing, so make sure your bedroom shows that!  Stay away from plaids, deer heads, and piles of clothes!  

And always remember, it doesn’t matter what your shape or size.  Marilyn Monroe was size 14.  Remember Renoir’s and Rubens’ sexy nudes!  Even Ally McBeal was kinda sexy, skinny legs and all!  She had loveable-ness!  

Do you know of any other unlikely love gods or goddesses? 

Here’s some assignments of things to do: 

1. Do everything above; then go out on the town alone.  Smile at people.  Wink. Flirt a little.  But mostly, think about how good you feel and how good you look when you feel good!  Then see what happens!  When you are glowing, people notice.  Don’t be afraid to go out on the town alone, because there’s no need to be lonely.  You are more approachable when you are without a posse of pals!
Besides, love gods and goddesses often went home alone, because they didn’t need humans—even if they did fall in love with humans once in a while.  Love gods and goddesses (especially the ladies) are mysterious, so let others wonder how and why you can happily strut about town by yourself.  You can go home happily because you are comfortable with yourself, with or without people.  No need to be needy.   

2. Talk to strangers, and be friendly.  Notice people.  The mailman.  The check out person at the store.  The fast food attendant.  Your barman and the guy/gal at the bar or at the table next door in the restaurant.  Don’t ignore people.  Ask them how they are today.  Compliment their hair, the job they are doing, a bracelet or tie they are wearing.  Make contact with people!  They will fall in love with you!  Maybe not literally, but I do mean they will enjoy seeing you, because you will be a ray of sunshine in their boring day.  This is the mark of a true love god and love goddess.

3. Go out with someone who adores you.  You know that person who you have avoided because they like you too much (you think!) or because they aren’t as cute as you want or as young as you want or maybe they don’t make enough money for you.  If they adore you, go out with them, and let them treat you special.  Let them send you flowers, open your doors, hang on your every word.  Let someone adore you.  It may feel uncomfortable at first.  But we have to allow ourselves to receive.  Love gods and goddesses always accepted offerings from their devotees.  So, accept, and learn to enjoy.  Also, how often have you gone out with someone who treated you badly?  Turn the tables, and go out with someone who treats you well!

4.  Be discerning.  If you are dating someone who makes a blooper…i.e. leaves you hanging by the phone, forgets your birthday, calls you names, ignores you, then YOU make some choices.  Stop accepting, in that case.  Do you think a love god or goddess would allow a devotee to get away with that?  No.  And neither should you.  Go back to the person that adores you.  I used to use a “3 strikes, you’re out” rule.  The person may commit the first disrespectful act, and then the second time I might allow it, but by the third time, they are OUT.  Remember you are the love goddess/love god.  Choose to love someone who loves and honors YOU, not one who doesn’t.  Choose love and honor and respect in your life.  Then you will have it!

5.  Go dancing.  Latin dancing is great, because you really have to move your hips.  Samba is great for people who don’t normally dance, because it’s easy and you don’t need a partner, but it’s very suggestive with strong drums and swaying rhythms.  Belly dancing is great for both sexes.  Remember, in countries like Turkey, Greece, and Russia, both men and women belly dance.  Love gods and goddesses use their bodies and are aware of them—sultry, joyful, happy, strong, loving.  We all have these qualities somewhere inside us.

6. Get a glamorous photo done.  Some malls even have places you can have it done easily and quickly!

7. Get business or calling cards that say something outrageous.  (Aphrodite or Cupid calling cards)

8. Go on a blind date, and take a week to prepare for it.
9. Sign up for a Dating website.  If you are looking for a serious relationship, you may want to try or some other more specific website.  If you want a fling, try one of the quicker, more instant websites or . I knew a shy guy who decided to go on one date a week for an entire year.  He used one of the dating websites, and by the end of the year, he was no longer shy!

10. Women, take a trip to Italy or Alaska, where women are much loved and in demand!  (Remember Eat Pray Love!) Men, go on a trip with a foreign introduction service, where men are much in demand!  You can start with a meeting here in the states, close to home, and then go on a trip to the place of origin.  

11. Ask yourself these questions, and write down your answers.  They could be the beginnings of a personal ad or just a way for you to recognize your own god- or goddess-ness.

          1.     What is your most attractive feature? 
          2.     Describe your body type… (voluptuous, slender, curvaceous, lean, husky) 
          3.     If you were to be the god or goddess of something, what would that be?  (either a quality, like Serenity, or a thing, like Home)

          4.     What would your friends and family say you are the god or goddess of?

          5.     What is your best quality?
          6.     What is your worst quality?  (Now, turn that around, and find a positive word for it.  “Shy” could be “humble”, or “loud” could be “enthusiastic”.)  
          7.     What do you most want to do here on this earth in your life?  

 Go on, God-man!  Go on, Girl-Goddess!  Love thyself!  And others will naturally love you!  We won’t be able to help it!  

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